In Sickness and in Death?
by suffocatingonsadness
Summary: Clary is a 17 year old who just got the worst news of her life. Jace is a boy who doesn't know what it feels like to experience real loss. What happens when they met and Jace can't picture his life without Clary? Will Clary beat her illness or will Jace have to learn how to live without her.
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own TMI, all these characters belong to Cassandra Clare**

 **Chapter One:**

 **Clary POV:**

I had just come from the hospital. The cancer had returned after three years, and it doesn't look good this time. Whenever there is a relapse, there is always a chance that it will win this round. I try to stay as optimistic as possible but I don't know how long that'll last when chemo starts.

I always come to Central Park when I need to clear my head. I look around and there are so many happy families, and couples enjoying their time together. I'll never get that. I'll never get married, or have a family. I try to distance myself from people so that when I do die, there won't be too many broken hearts left behind. I do have one true friend, Simon, he's the only one who knows about my cancer. I'm meeting him here to tell him about the relapse.

"Watch out!" I hear from the opposite direction. When I look up there is a ball coming for my head. I duck and the ball hits the bench. I look up and there was a cute little boy running towards me, followed by a gorgeous guy who had beautiful blonde hair and golden eyes to match.

"I'm really sorry lady!" The little boy said as he approached.

"Don't worry about it, no harm no foul." I smiled at him and handed him the ball back.

"Alright Max, why don't you go over and play with Izzy." Max skipped off to the direction of which I'm going to guess is Izzy. "I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean to over throw it."

"It's really okay. Don't worry about it." I smiled up at him, how I longed for someone like him to love me like I was going to live forever.

"Clary!" I turn around and Simon is walking up to me. "You wanted me to meet you here. What's wrong?" I looked at him and from my eyes I think he just knew. "Oh Clary, I'm so sorry. You wanna get out of here? I'll buy your favorite ice cream?" I smiled, Simon always knew how to make my day better.

"Sure thing Simon." I turn around and look at the boy. "Well it was nice to meet you….?"

"Jace, nice to meet you to Clary." And with that he ran back over to Max and Izzy.

Simon and I left the park and made our way to our favorite ice cream parlor. We came here quite often, whether we were upset, happy, angry, whatever the emotion. It was a safe place for us, and it got us through a lot of rough times. And this was most definitely going to be a rough time.

 **Jace POV:**

As I ran back over to Izzy, I couldn't help but think about Clary. She looked so upset, but in a completely empty way. Something was definitely wrong from the way that guy sounded.

"What was that all about?" Izzy asked as she through the ball to Max.

"I just wanted to apologize to her for throwing the ball at her. I felt bad." I tried not to sound like I cared, because the only people I truly cared for was my family, but for some reason, she was different, but I didn't want Izzy to know that otherwise I'd never live it down.

"Jace Wayland? Feeling bad about something? Impossible." Izzy laughed, but she was right. I didn't care, and I never felt bad for anything I ever did before.

"Well, I'll never see her again, so who cares." I was a tad upset about this, I felt a natural connection with her that I never felt towards anyone before.

"Come on, we have to get Max to the hospital for his check up." As we neared the hospital I saw Clary and her friend headed in the same direction. This must be fate, wait a minute I don't believe in fate. Oh well, maybe it's just a coincidence.

 **Clary POV:**

Simon and I were at the ice cream parlor when I started feeling really really wrong. I knew that the cancer was going to be worse this time around, but I had no idea that it was going to start to quickly.

"Simon, I need to go back to the hospital, something doesn't feel right."

I got up from my seat and immediately felt like I was going to fall. Thankfully the hospital was just around the corner.

"Okay, lets get you there, can you walk?" I nod slightly, and we're off to the hospital.

As we neared the hospital I saw a familiar sight. It was the boy from the park, oh god please don't let me run into him in this hospital. I don't need him looking at me like a charity case.

After about two hours in the hospital I was released to go home. The cancer has come back in full swing and I needed to start chemo right away. My first appointment was tomorrow, and I wasn't ready at all. This round was going to be more intense and its going to leave me feeling more weak then before, but I wanted to live, I wanted to survive and prove that cancer would not be the death of me, but I don't know how my body will be able to handle this.

I walked in to the hospital the next morning and sat down in one of the chemo chairs, the nurse hooked my port up to the machine, I put my headphones in and slowly drifted off to sleep, dreaming of a life that I could only imagine, one that I knew would never come true.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two:**

 **Time Jump- Six Months After Chemo Started**

 **Clary POV:**

These last six months have been absolutely brutal. The chemo was definitely taking its toll on my body. I had lost about 25 pounds, and I had lost all the hair. I looked exactly like what a cancer patient looked like, and I felt 10 times worse every single day. When I did have good days, Simon would come over and hang out for a little, but those days were few and far between. I had hired a home care nurse, and decided that I wanted to have chemo at home. It took everything in me just to get to the bathroom, so getting to the hospital wasn't in the cards for me. I had bought a chemo chair and all the necessary equipment and my homecare nurse came every other day. I got chemo twice a week, but I don't think the results were what the doctors were looking for.

"Hey hunny, how are you doing today?" Maryse, my nurse, walked into my room to help me out of my bed.

"I'm doing alright today. Just ready to get chemo out of the way." I smiled at her and got out of bed.

"I hope you don't mind sweetie, but I had to bring my son today. I needed help bringing the equipment up for your treatment. We're going to be giving you a different combination today to see if the results change. The last batch wasn't doing anything anymore, I think your body built up an immunity to it." We talked as she led me to the living room. When we reach the doorway, I stopped in my tracks. It was the boy from the park Oh god, this is going to be horrible.

"Clary, this is my son Jace. Jace, this is Clary, my favorite patient." We locked eyes and he looked sad, I can't believe I am seeing him again, I thought I would never see him again.

"Nice to see you again Clary." He smiled, and I almost fainted.

"You two know each other?"

"We met awhile ago back at the park." I said as Maryse led me over to my chair. I sat down, and removed my shirt. I could see Jace get slightly uncomfortable as he looked away. I understand, I would look away from me too if I were him.

"Okay sweetie, this batch is a lot stronger than the last one. You'll experience the same symptoms but in a much stronger effect." She took the bag and loaded it with my medicine, than she took the end and placed it in my port. Not long after did the medicine begin to drip into my body. I placed my headphone in my ears and slowly drifted off into sleep.

 **Jace POV:**

I had offered to stay with Maryse after Clary was hooked up. Maryse was a wonderful home nurse. She decided that she was going to clean up Clary's apartment while she was getting treatment, and she asked me to stay by Clary while she was getting treatment.

I looked at her in that chair with the IV sticking out of her chest, and anger ran through my veins, she was so nice, she didn't deserve this. Maryse said the treatment would take about two hours, so I looked around for something to read. I found A Tail of Two Cities, one of my favorites and started to read. After about an hour and a half, Clary began to stir awake.

"Good morning sleepy head." I smile and put the book down on the table.

"What are you still doing here?" She began rubbing her eyes.

"My mom wanted to clean your apartment, but she wanted someone to stay with you while you get chemo so I offered to stay."

"That was nice of you, thank you." She sat up and winced, she was so fragile and weak, and it broke my heart.

"So Clary, how old are you?" I couldn't tell her age from the toll the chemo had taken on her body.

"I'm 17." Shock. That was the only emotion that I was feeling at this moment.

"Damn. I'm really sorry. Most people pull through the first time they get cancer though, plus your young and were healthy. That's a huge bonus." I tried to give her a much comfort as I could.

"This is actually a relapse. I was first diagnosed when I was 14 years old. My chances aren't actually very good. This might be it for me."

"You don't seem to upset about it."

"I used to be optimistic, but with everything that's happened, I have accepted the fact that cancer might win, and I've come to terms with that."

"How are your friends and family taking it?"

"Well, after I turned 16 I moved out and found this place, I couldn't stand living with my parents, so I don't have a great relationship with them, and my only friend is Simon, the boy from the park. He has come to terms with it as well. It's just easier that way, so when I do die, nobody will miss me." This is the most depressing conversation I've ever had. I don't even know this girl and I know that I'm going to miss her.

"Did you think it would come back?"

"Not really. I was three years in remission; I thought that I had beaten it. Until that day we met at the park. I had just gotten back from the hospital." She looks down at her hands, she's been playing around with the strings on her pants, I can tell she's scared.

"Are you afraid?" I can't help but feel this strong connection to this girl. I want to help, but I know I can't do anything about it, and it's killing me.

"Every single day. I can feel my body giving up. I can feel my hope decreasing every single time I have to be hooked up to this machine."

"I'm sorry." The only words that I am able to say.

"Don't be, it's not your fault. It's just how the world works. Life's a bitch." She musters up a little giggle, man was she cute. After our conversation my mom comes in and unhooks her from the machine.

"Jace hunny, can you take Clary back to her room, she normally has trouble walking after she has treatment."

"Absolutely. You ready?" She nods, and I pick her up bridal style and walk her to her room. Having her so close to me feels so right, like I've been missing her my whole life.

I lay her down on her bed, I pull the covers over her frail body. She looks so small in her bed, almost like a child. "Are you comfortable enough?"

"Yes, but could you bring my small trashcan over to my bed. I get really sick after treatment and I'd prefer not to run to the bathroom."

"Absolutely." I go and retrieve the trashcan and I put it down beside her. "Is there anything else that I can get for you before I leave?"

"Yea, can I have the remote?" She smiles shyly.

"Of course you can." I get her the remote and I place it on her end table. I get up to leave and sure enough as soon as I reach the door I hear the sound of her throwing up behind me. I look and she's hunched over her bed with her face in the trashcan. I can't leave her here alone. I walk out and find my mom.

"Hey mom, I can't leave her here alone. She's so sick. Do you mind if I stay?" I can see her smile but she is hesitant to say yes.

"If Clary says yes, you may stay with her, but Jace, the odds of her living are very low, I don't want you getting too attached to her."

"I know mom, but I feel this intense attraction to her. I feel like I need to be here with her." I walk back to Clary's room and see that she's flipping through the channels. "Hey Clary, do you mind if I stay here with you for the rest of the day?"

"Sure, but I must warn you, its not a pretty sight."

"Nonsense, you're always a sight to look at." Oh god, mom was right, I was going to get attached. This might be bad, but I can't stay away from her. The rest of the day consisted of Clary sleeping, or throwing up, but I didn't mind, just being in her presence was good enough for me. I don't know how I'm going to survive if she doesn't beat this. She has to beat this right?


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

 **Jace POV:**

It's been a couple weeks since I actually met Clary, and I visit her everyday. It seems so unfair for her to have no one to spend the day with. She's getting worse. I can see it in her eyes, and I can hear it when my mom talks about her. Today was like every other day, after school I was going to spend the rest of the day with Clary.

"Yo, Jace, you wanna hang today? A bunch of us are going to hang at Sebastian's place. His parents aren't home." A buddy of mine called from across the parking lot.

"Naw, I have plans. Maybe some other time." I continue to walk to my car, until Sebastian is holding my shoulder.

"Dude, where have you been going after school? You are hardly ever around anymore, and when you are, you're completely checked out." He looked genuinely concerned.

"I just have places to be. Don't worry about it." I tried to make it as general as possible cause Sebastian never gave up with the questions.

"Is it a girl?" I tried to hide the smile but I couldn't help it when I thought of Clary. "It's totally a girl. What's her name? Does she go to this school? Since when does Jace settle down?"

"She doesn't go to this school and that's the only information you're going to be getting out of me. I gotta go man. I'll see you around." I got out of there as fast as I possibly could and made it to Clary's. Something wasn't right, it felt wrong. I walk into her apartment and its silent. I make my way back to her room and I open the door, and there she is. Lying in bed, still. No movement, not even the rhythmic motion of her breathes. I immediately panic and dial 911.

"Hello 911, what's your emergency?"

"My girlfriend, she's not breathing." I don't know why I called her that, but it felt so right.

"Alright sir, what's your name?"

"Jace. Jace Lightwood."

"Does your girlfriend have any history of illness?"

"Yes, she has cancer."

"Alright sir, do you know CPR?"

"Yes."

"Alright, why don't you start CPR and I'll send an ambulance right away just make sure you keep the blood flowing." I immediately start CPR, and before I knew it the ambulance where there and the paramedics were taking her away.

 **Time Jump- Four Hours Later**

 **Jace POV:**

I've been sitting in this hospital for four hours and not a word about Clary yet. I had called my mom, and she was right by my side along with my siblings Alec and Izzy. I was about to lose my shit when my thoughts were interrupted by a nurse.

"Clarissa Fray?" All of us immediately stand up. "It was tricky but she's alive, thanks to you sir, she is expected to make a full recovery from this."

"Do you know why this happened?" I need to know why she stopped breathing so that if it happens again I can save her.

"The cancer has spread to her throat, and it blocked the airways." My heart sank. "But the doctor preformed surgery and removed most of it, it's just a matter of if it will come back or not. You can go in an see her now."

"Thank you." We made our way to her room. Alec and Izzy decided that they would stay in the waiting room since they didn't know her. As my mom and I made it to her room, we looked in and she was hooked up to all types of machines. Maryse gestured for me to go in first. As I walked to her bedside I could see she was beginning to wake up.

"Hey. What happened?"

"I came over to your apartment and I found you in your bed not breathing. I called 911, started CPR and when you got here they had to preform surgery. Turns out, the cancer spread to your throat, but they removed it. You scared me there Clary, I thought I lost you."

"I'm so sorry. This is why I don't make friends, I don't want them to go through what you did. It's not fair to you."

"Clary, if I didn't find you, you'd be dead."

"Maybe that would be for the better." My jaw dropped. I can't believe she just said that.

"It would not be for the better Clary. I would miss you so much if you weren't here." I grabbed her hand and kissed it. I had truly grown to care for this girl and I couldn't picture my life without her.

"This is the reason I don't make friends Jace, I'm just going to hurt you. When I die, I don't want to leave people behind to mourn. I just want people to go on like I never existed."

"I can't do that Clary. Ever since I met you I feel like I need to be with you, and I feel like I've been missing you my whole life. I can't lose you Clary." I looked up and I can see her tears streaming down her face.

"Jace. I don't want to hurt you. I can't hurt you." She was crying and I could tell this was going to be hard, but I don't care, I want to be with her more than anything.

"Clary, listen. I don't know what the future holds, but I don't want to spend another day without you, and I don't care what happens, I just know that I want to be with you. I need to be with you."

"Jace…." But before she could finish I was kissing her.

"Clary, please let me be here for you."

"Okay. But I warned you Jace." And with that I kissed her again. I knew this was going to be hard, but I didn't care cause time with Clary, even if it was short, was better than not being with her at all.

 **Time Jump-Three Months Later**

 **Clary POV:**

It has been three months since my near death experience and things were going along just as you'd expect. I was still getting treatment twice a week, and Jace was there every step of the way. It was nice to have someone there for me besides Simon. I just feel bad because I could die any day, and I don't want to leave him behind. I was going to the doctors today to see how everything was going. Simon was coming with me, Jace was in school, and I didn't want him to be there if I got the news that there wasn't anything they could do for me.

"Clarissa Fray?" I stand up and walk towards the nurse. I tell Simon to wait in the waiting room. I don't want him in the room while I receive my death date.

"Hello Clarissa. How are you doing?"

"Same old same old."

"Okay, so I have good news and I have some bad news. Which would you like first.?"

"The bad news." Here it comes is all I could think.

"I am sad to inform you that the new batch of chemo that you were receiving has damaged your ovaries. This means that you will not be able to conceive children." This was the bad news? What the hell was the good news going to be.

"And the good?"

"Clarissa, you've done it. You are cancer free." His words shock me. I can't be. I was supposed to die. I was ready. I'm not supposed to live through this. "Clarissa, are you okay? This is fantastic news."

"Sorry, I'm just really shocked. I thought I was going to die."

"The chemo was so strong that it killed every last bite of cancer in your body. Congratulations Clarissa. This is a good day. You'll need to come back in two months for a check up, but I hope I never have to see you around this hospital ever again." I stood up and hugged the doctor. I had to tell Jace. I had to find him. I walked out of the room and met Simon in the waiting room.

"Clary? What's wrong? Are you okay?" He was worried, I was crying and I think he thought the same thing I did when I first went into the room.

"Simon. I'm free. I'm really free." I was balling my eyes out and he picked me up and hugged me.

"Clary, this is fantastic. What do you want to do to celebrate?"

"I want to go and tell Jace." Simon nodded and with that we left to go visit Jace at school. I had no idea where he was. I haven't even been inside a school in years, but Simon said that we should go to the office.

"Hello, my name is Clary and I was wondering if you could tell me what classroom Jace was in." The lady at the desk was very kind and told me he was in room 134. Simon and I headed in the direction before I had to stop and take a breather. The chemo had done a number on my body, so walking was like running a marathon for me. We reached the classroom and I was so nervous.

"Are you okay Clary?" Simon asked.

"I'm so nervous."

"Why?"

"I don't know. I feel like I've been so set on dying for the longest time I don't know what its like to look forward to living."

"Clary today is a good day. Live it up, cause you're cancer free and you have me, and Jace to be with you forever." I gave him a hug before I knocked on the door. The teacher answered.

"Hello, what can I do for you?"

"I was wondering if I could speak with Jace for a moment." The teacher didn't look pleased. He grabbed my arm and dragged me into the room.

"Jace, this girl would like to have a word with you." I was even more nervous now. I had to speak in front of the whole class. Jace's eyes were huge. It's now or never. "Go ahead, speak. You interrupted my class. It better be fore a good reason."

"Uh well, Jace I just got back from the doctors." I could see his heart dropped. "And I wanted to let you know, that it's gone. I'm free." Before I knew it Jace was running towards me and hugging me.

"Clary, that's amazing." At this moment our lips locked and I could hear the gasps from the rest of the class.

"Um, excuse me, but please inform the rest of the class what you are talking about. You interrupted my class, and its quite rude not to let us all in our your little secret." God this teacher was nosey.

"I bet she had an abortion." Everyone laughed, so I'm going to assume she is a stuck up bitch. I was going to make this sound like the craziest story just for the hell of it.

"Oh, of course. Well you see, about nine months ago, I was diagnosed with cancer for the second time. I wasn't expected to live. I was prepared to die. I knew that's where my life was going. About three months ago, I actually did die. The cancer had made its way to my throat and closed it. If it weren't for Jace, I wouldn't have survived. I had an appointment with my doctor today and he told me that the cancer was gone." Everyone's face was priceless. Jace grabbed my hand and led me out into the hallway.

"Clary, that was amazing. I can't believe it's gone. I'm so happy. I told you to never give up. I love you so much." That was the first time he had ever told me that he loved me.

"I love you too Jace." We kissed again, until I remembered that Simon was there.

"Alright, lets get out of here." Jace grabbed my hand and we walked out of his school. We went back to my place and relaxed for the rest of the day. For once in my life, I felt like I had control. This was my life and I could finally live it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

 **Time Jump-Six Months Later**

 **Izzy POV:**

Clary and I have become the best of friends and she finally was getting her body back after being cancer and chemo free for six months. I had the best idea. I was going to give her a makeover and dress her up so she could meet Jace at school.

"Izzy, are you sure this is going to work?"

"Absolutely. Now just hold still." I began working my magic on her. I had put her in a short black dress that stopped just around mid thigh; I put her in a black leather jacket, and gave her red pumps. Her make up was on point. She was rocking smoky eyes with luscious full red lips.

"Wow Iz. You are a miracle worker. I never thought I could ever look like this. Especially after having cancer."

"Alright, school is over in about 15 minutes, go get em girl." And with that she got into her car and drove away.

 **Jace POV:**

It had been six months since Clary found out she was cancer free. When she went back for her check up, everything came back normal. I felt like I was on cloud nine. I was at school, zoning out the whole day. I just wanted to be with Clary. I don't know what it is about her but she is so different from every other girl I've ever met and I had fallen so deeply in love with her.

"Yo, Jace. You wanna hang after school today?" Sebastian called in the hallway.

"Naw man. I have somewhere to be."

"Jace you are so whipped. When can we meet this girl that has you wrapped around her finger?"

"One day." We walked out to the parking lot, and I couldn't believe what I saw. Clary was waiting by her car, and damn did she look good.

"Oh shit. Dude who is that?" Sebastian, just like every other guy at the school was eyeing her up.

"I guess that one day is going to be today Sebastian." I make my way over to Clary and instantly there is a silence that falls over the crowd. "Hey Clary, you look beautiful." And with that I kissed her.

"Thank you. Izzy sure is a miracle worker."

"Naw, you are naturally beautiful. Sebastian I would like to introduce you to my girlfriend, Clary." Sebastian had to put his eyes back into his head before he could speak.

"It is very nice to meet you Clary."

"Likewise Sebastian." She gave that cute little smile that could sweep any guy off their feet. "You ready to go?"

"Yea." I opened the door for her, and then made my way over to the passenger side. "I love you."

"I love you too Clary." We drove away from my school, and I realized that I was the luckiest guy in the world. I don't know what the future holds, but I know that the future was going to be bright for both Clary and I.


End file.
